Now I am not afraid of talking about who I used to be, cause I ain’t really differentiate my ‘ego’ in between being an escort and just a normal woman. So I have nothing to hide really. I already confessed that I have been through depression, diagnosed as BPD(borderline personality disorder). However these days I feel like I have been transformed. Those diagnoses are no more meaningful for me. Now I can be calm easily, feel lighter than before, accept and grateful to the present moment..
What I realized is, the thoughts and emotions are actually not me, nor mine. This truth immediately released me. They are just come up suddenly because it ain’t myself at all. So what I do is don’t resist, notice, observe, and accept it that’s all. Then it would melt away. Better to be awake consciously and be aware of being trapped by negative thoughts and emotions.
Another thing is, I don’t really need to live life seriously. Rather, I better to be lighter, live life as doing a game! I can lose or win at a game but it’s just a virtual reality which no need to be into it further when it’s over. Just enjoy everything and laugh! Look at me right now! I am so available woman. Why? I am a single young lady, never married, no kids, never pregnant. I got a valuable passport, healthy body, an attractive figure…I have so many things to explore in this life and I feel grateful and excited!
Everyone, the family, boyfriend, girlfriend, clients, kids, puppies, service providers, etc. I decided to look at them as a ‘hologram’. They just pop appear and disappear like a hologram and I don’t need to put too many meanings on that. This way, I could feel free like a bird in the visual life, and with empty-minded I could create my own wanted future. Creator, not a slave stuck in the matrix.