Since the beginning of December 2019 and the whole month, i had suffered from vertigo. Literally, barely could manage daily life, bed resting most of the time. The sky in front of me looked like yellow. Whenever i move my body, I felt extreme dizziness which i had never had in my life. I felt so scared of what if…was like a panic. I even had no energy to announce I will be away for a while due to dizziness to the public. I couldn’t even type texts.

And all things what happened to me until i came to Hongkong, related to it. I am well aware that some clients check my blog regularly. I’d like to spread the whole story but I think i better respect my privacy ūüėČ

Just back then I was so desperate, debilitated woman who needed ‘help’.

Okay..to make the story short, I met a guy on Nov. and l fond of him and he was willing to take care of me, in condition of stop sex work and have a new life.

So I flew to him on 31st Dec. and stayed at his house for 12 nights at a separate room. I know it was quite an impulsive behaviour yes i know. But I really could use someone nearby me that was all I needed. No need to be near me all the time but check me and make sure im ok just in case something happened to me. And due to this vertigo, naturally paused the business and I was also willing to do a new life too and I just wanted to talk with him in person. Our communication was a bit in a silly way so I just wanted to talk in person and I kinda trusted him.

I have no idea what was in his mind/head but obviously he didn’t consider me as a ‘lover’. We did intense sex all the time but perhaps that didn’t mean im his ‘girlfriend’ for him. And I didn’t ask about it. Cause my survive, wellness was the first. But I fond of him, love him very much. If i could use the word ‘love’..Everyday I felt absolute stable feeling, we were like a newly wedded couple..We had deep kissing when he off to work, He checked me time to time during that busy life..he was very busy guy, rarely back to home before 10pm

I haven’t had any romantic relationship since 2015

Wanna make sure all things were happened by my fear of ‘survival’ I wanted to alive, live my life like a life. That’s why I off to him.

But things were didn’t go well, I just packed and left with disregarding his saying ‘chill out, wait, talk when im back’ but I left him cause I got panic and dreadful feeling about my survival again.

He didn’t really grab me either. Disappointed by me probably. And he found my twitter post and criticized that I posted the same selfie that I sent him on 7th Jan. Yes I did. Fucking evil twitter. I have just done it just because! Even if i stop sex work, still I could remain my space couldn’t I? He has no right to judge me that I posted semi-nude selfie on my twitter. He was being so hypocrite he has been a punter too!

…Anyway I ummm got through a battle on January. I have cried a lot

Cannot describe the whole things but right now Im good. And I think we supposed to not belong each other anyway.

Vertigo had gone away and back to normal myself. Turned February now and Im happy to have a hermit life.

Still suffer on sleeping but it’ll be okay too.

And then the virus situation became severe from lunar new year so I’ll just think about my future plan at the moment.