Writing two blog posts in a row is not easy but I’d like to spread about what I have in mind.
The fortuneteller, I was told that I have a mental, borderline personality disorder. BPD
It’s not really commonly known in Korea I think, so I was surprised that he mentioned that word. I know about and actually, I studied about it, read books and articles, essays of (severe)BPD patient too. I don’t think BPD is a mental disease. It’s just…how to say..it’s kind of a tornado of the inner side of a people who got a scar in their mind established since young.
I have searched about the definition of BPD again and honestly, many are explains me. Should I feel humiliated? No, I won’t.
24hrs 7days 1week 1month a year being alone, I self lock into jail and enjoy solitude life but that’s because I wanna avoid BPD symptoms. I really am genuine to clients I meet, sometimes I feel a besotted feeling. But thankfully it’s just an agreement so I try not to cross the boundary, and I can’t what can I do right? So I love to be a sex worker. Meet as agreement, mutually fulfill what we need. And I like to be feel needed by clients.
I don’t make a relationship due to BPD. Sometimes I mention about marriage because it requires legal responsibility. I want to tie the knot..(firmly) so that less worry about the breakup, abandoned and so on. I will do prenups too.
I am an INFP. Useless to be pragmatic especially in this modern world. That’s why I chose to be a professional sex worker.
Yes, I can’t live without sex. I can say more glamorously, more philosophically but I just want to be honest cause there’s nothing wrong to be just me.
These days I am with my family and couldn’t be more feel warm, absolute laid-back days..I realized there’s no one else like my parents who would care me. My parents are very nice, live their lives in an honest way but I felt they love me conditionally. Not unconditional love.
I don’t know, maybe my misunderstanding. But I can’t ask my parents have you ever love me conditionally or unconditionally, cause l feel like I am only beloved when I’m doing good.
Anyway, I am so happy to be in parents house, it’s a shelter for me. They installed blackout curtain for this handful princess lol, I use 3towels whenever I have a shower but my mum doesn’t scold me.
Tonight my mum cook me rib-eyes..I was really happy with tonight’s dinner. not because of rib-eyes but because eating together with family.